


The Beginning of the End

by in_anotherlife



Series: As If We've Never Said Goodbye [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Break Up, Clexa, F/F, Flashbacks, Love Story in Reverse, Not a Love Story AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 07:39:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4556295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_anotherlife/pseuds/in_anotherlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa's love story told in reverse. This isn't a love story. I repeat, this isn't a love story. The story will be told in a series of one shots from different POV's between and flashbacks in italics.</p><p>I hope you guys enjoy it. I sat down one day and this is what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beginning of the End

“If you want to leave, then just leave!"

The words you’ve suppressed for so long have finally come out and you try to keep your composure as best as possible but you know that there’s no going back. This time it would be for good.

The look on her face when the words fall from your mouth is something you’ll never be able to forget. The calm and collective Clarke Griffin wasn’t letting up. The woman you’ve spent years caring for and loving was suddenly a stranger to you. She looks at you, really looks at you probably for the time in months and you both see it, the end.   
\-   
_“Lexa will you please relax? She’s going to love this."_

_You look down from the ladder after stringing the last of the fairy lights. You know Anya's right but everything needed to be perfect. You sigh as you take down the lights for a second time that day and slump into your favorite armchair. Sighing you close your eyes and try to envision what she would like best. What would Clarke like best? And then it hits you._

_“Anya, do you still have that friend over at the planetarium?” The taller girl nods as she tries to piece together where you're going with this._

_“Anya get there sooner please,” you ask impatiently and then it finally hits your best friend._

_“You must really love this girl Lex if you’re willing to have me ask an old fuck buddy for help but okay,” Anya says raising her hands in surrender. She girl grabs her phone and steps out onto the balcony, “Hey Reyes…Long time no time talk…"_

_You sink back into the leather armchair but this time with a smile on your face. Yes, tonight was going to be perfect and Clarke Griffin won’t even know what hit her._  
\-   
“Lexa, I love you."

You look up and the blue eyes that used to make your heart jump out of your chest now only make you cringe. How is it possible to love someone so much, to have what you two have and yet feel so empty. You fidget with the bracelet that never quite fit so well, the one that Clarke has promised numerous times to get resized for you but after months of her excuses you learned to just stop asking. Clarke crosses the room to be closer to you, she doesn’t sit knowing that you’ll leave the room. Instead she leans onto the back of the couch that you two picked out for your first apartment together, neatly folding her hands onto her lap and looks at you. She’s waiting for you. If she only knew how long you’ve really been waiting for her.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Clarke,” you look at her. “I don’t know how you expect me to stay. I don’t know how you’ve stayed this long, doing what you’ve been doing."

“Lexa, I’ve stayed because I love you."

“That’s bullshit Clarke! How dare you throw those words around as if they carry anything with us anymore,” your breathing is becoming erratic, you know you’re on the verge of having an attack, Clarke knows it too. You lean back into the armchair, shutting your eyes you count to ten in your head. You do it two more times and then you’re okay.

“I don’t love her, like I love you,” Clarke says.

“You loved her enough to keep her around for a year Clarke,” you say finding your strength.

“I, I made a mistake, we’ve both made mistakes."

“Oops I forgot to turn off the coffee machine, oops I forgot to take the trash you, oops I wore your underwear today, those are mistakes Clarke! Not oops sorry I’ve been fucking your friend behind your back for a year!” You’re standing now and Clarke has never looked so small to you.   
\-   
_“Lexa you’ve truly outdone yourself,” Clarke says as you pull her chair out for her._

_“Anything for you my darling,” you say giving her a quick kiss before bringing out your dinners. You place both your plates on the table and Clarke’s eyes are giddy with excitement for what you’ve made and when you unveil her plate of macaroni and cheese she is the furthest thing from disappointed._

_“You know me too well Callaway,” she laughs._

_“I’ll never know you enough Griffin,” you reply before clinking your glasses together in a toast._

_Dinner goes off better than expected, at first you were nervous of preparing a meal with all of Clarke’s favorite childhood foods but seeing how she lit up when you brought out a cake of Twinkies totally made it worth it. The two of you are posted up on the couch. The one you two bought when you first moved in together in college. It definitely didn’t match with the rest of the things you owned now but neither of you had the heart to get rid of it. Clarke’s going on about something at the art gallery and you when you watch her talk it’s like she’s in slow motion. The way the moonlight hits her from behind makes her look angelic and the way she uses her hands with such expression brings a smile to your face and before you know it the words are falling from your mouth._

_“I think you should marry me."_

_Clarke stops talking and her face for moment is completely unreadable._

_“What?"_

_“You heard me,” you sit up and pull her up with you. “I think you, Clarke Griffin, should marry me, Lexa Callaway."_

_“Lexa that’s not how you propose to someone!” Clarke protests._

_“I still haven’t heard a no,” you reply with that smug smirk you know Clarke can’t resist._

_“Lexa, a proposal should be something memorable. It should be a moment that both people can look back on and pinpoint because it stands out amongst the rest of their memories. There should be flowers -"_

_“You hate flower Clarke, you’ve always said it’s shame to waste money on something that dies,” you interrupt and Clarke glares._

_“Okay, fine but there should be romance. There should be something breathtaking about the moment."_

_For a second you actually think that Clarke’s going to say no but the way her body inches closer and closer to you tells you that the only thing Clarke will be saying all night and well into the next morning is, ‘yes’._

_You close the distance between you two and her tongue traces your bottom lip. You take this moment to push the button on the remote you’ve been hiding in your back pocket all night and suddenly the room is completely pitch black except for a few candles on the dining room table. Clarke pulls away and you hit another button on your remote and suddenly the room is illuminated with stars and even though you can still only make out faint traces of Clarke’s face you can see she’s smiling._

_She stands and looks up at the ceiling, Orion’s belt is looking down upon her. She looks to her right at the dining room wall and she makes out other constellations. She walks over and traces her hands over the cluster of stars, feeling them as if she was one of them. You follow her and wrap your arms around her waist. She leans her head into yours and you whisper, “Is that a yes?"_  
\-   
“I can fix this,” Clarke determinedly says beginning to pace the apartment you share but you shake your head in reply.

“You can’t un-fuck someone,” you say almost laughing at the girl who you used to worship every night. “You lost the privilege of fixing this after you fell into bed with her. You don’t get to fix this Clarke. I don’t want this anymore,” you’re leaning against the window ledge facing out towards the city. You see the people below you walking around, going about their lives like yours wasn’t just falling apart.

“Lexa I can fix this. I am telling you, I can -"

You’ve heard enough, you turn to face her and her eyes are begging for forgiveness and maybe under different circumstances you’d succumb to those blue orbs of grace like so many times before, not today.

“Tell me Clarke how you’re going to to fix this. How you’re going to erase the memory from my mind of coming home to find you in OUR bed with Anya. Tell me how it doesn’t mean anything to you, yet you continued to do it for a year. Tell me Clarke. Stand there and tell me how much you love me,” you don’t realize you’re crying until the salty tanginess of tears hits your lips. “Tell me Clarke how much you love me that you just had to share your body with someone that wasn’t me."

Clarke swallows hard as the distance between you two becomes less and less. You can see your words striking her harder than anything you’ve said before. You’re inches apart and you can feel her breath on yours lips. You kiss her, hard, almost hard enough to draw blood and pull away.

“Did she kiss you like that?"

“Lexa, I -"

You shut her up with another kiss but softer, “Or did she kiss you like that?” Clarke again is speechless.

“Speak up Clarke, you brought this on yourself. Tell me how much you loved me that you just had to have her body on yours. You loved me so much that you just had to have her inside of you, screaming her name, coming for her."

Clarke can’t bring her eyes to meet yours and you think she walk out but she doesn’t. You take a step back and sit on the arm of the sofa.

“I gave you everything Clarke…I gave you everything and you left me with nothing."   
\-   
_“Lexa, this is too much babe,” Clarke says as she opens her third birthday gift from you that night._

_“I couldn’t help myself. I walked by the shop and these just screamed Clarke. How could I not get them for my favorite artist?” you kiss her. “But I have one more final gift and then I’m done, I promise."_

_Clarke’s looking at you like you’re the second coming and you can’t fight the feeling she gives you when she smiles. You help her off the couch and walk her down the hallway towards your office. You reach the door and ask her to close her eyes until you say so, she pouts but gives in. You walk in, making sure not to trip on anything and turn on the light. Grabbing your camera on the desk you made sure to leave there earlier you finally whisper, “Open them."_

_When her eyes adjust to the light you take your first photo. Her arms hang timidly against her body and then she moves to cover her mouth as if she’s about to sob but she doesn’t. She looks to her right to find empty canvases just waiting to be filled. You take another photo. She looks to her left at the oils and paints just waiting to be mixed to create something that only she can create. You snap another picture._

_Then she looks at you. Your heart stops and you almost forget to take a picture. Almost._  
\-   
Those photos are black and white, hanging in your living room next to the first piece of art that Clarke painted in her studio. Your eyes dart to them and Clarke’s eyes quickly follow as well. Her lips being to quiver, the weight of your words are finally sinking in when you said you’ve given her everything. You stand and Clarke flinches and you laugh at the idea that Clarke could ever think you’d hurt her that way. You grab the photo of her looking at you for the first time after entering her studio and you hand it to her.

“I fell in love with this girl and I don’t know what I did to make her go away."

Clarke’s sobbing harder than you’ve ever heard her cry. Harder than when her father passed and it breaks your heart but you can’t break. Not anymore. You place a hand under her chin and lift it up so she’s looking at you. You do your best to remember everything about this moment. The way her skin feels on yours. The way her eyes still burn into you, just not as brightly as before. The creases on her brow from the years of stress. The lips that know the secrets to make you unravel. Your hand moves to cup her cheek, your thumb brushing away the tears as best you can. You lean down to kiss her forehead. She knows it’s goodbye from the way her body tenses.

“I love you Clarke but I’m afraid that’s going to be my downfall."

You fight the tears threatening to spill for probably the fifth time that afternoon. You grab your keys on the coffee table and walk out, closing the door on the past knowing there’s a part of you that will always live there.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback always appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
